101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men

1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.

2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.

3. Cucumbers wont tell you size doesnt count.

4. Cucumbers dont get too excited.

5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.

6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.

7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket…. and you know how firm it is before you take it home.

8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.

9. With a cucumber you can get a single room…. and you wont have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.

10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.

11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber…. and see the movie.

12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber…. and you can stay in the front seat.

13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.

14. A cucumber wont eat all the popcorn…. or send you out for Milk Duds.

15. A cucumber wont drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.

16. A cucumber wont ask: Am I the first?.

17. A cucumber doesnt care if youre a virgin.

18. Cucumbers wont tell other cucumbers youre a virgin.

19. Cucumbers wont tell anyone youre not a virgin anymore.

20. With a cucumber you dont have to be a virgin more than once.

21. Cucumbers can handle rejection.

22. Cucumbers wont pout if you have a headache.

23. Cucumbers wont care what time of the month it is.

24. Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet.

25. Cucumbers wont give it up for Lent.

26. With a cucumber you never have to say youre sorry.

27. Afterwards, a cucumber wont: …want to shake hands and be friends.

28. …say, Ill call you a cab.

29. …tell you hes not the marrying kind.

30. …tell you he is the marrying kind.

31. …call his ex-wife or therapist.

32. …take you to confession.

33. Cucumbers dont leave you wondering for a month.

34. Cucumbers wont make you go to the drugstore.

35. Cucumbers wont tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.

36. A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.

37. A cucumber wont work your crossword with ink.

38. A cucumber isnt allergic to your cat.

39. With a cucumber you dont have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu season.

40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.

41. A cucumber wont eat all your food or drink all your liquor.

42. A cucumber doesnt turn your bathroom into a library.

43. A cucumber wont go through your medicine chest.

44. A cucumber doesnt use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.

45. Cucumbers wont leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.

46. Cucumbers wont write your name and number on the mens room wall.

47. Cucumbers dont have sex hangups.

48. Cucumbers wont make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.

49. Cucumbers arent into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits & nuts.

50. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.

51. You can eat cucumbers when you feel like it.

52. Cucumbers never need a round of applause.

53. Cucumbers wont ask: Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times?

54. Cucumbers arent jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair Dresser.

55. A cucumber wont want to join your sports group.

56. A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.

57. Cucumbers arent into meaningful conversations.

58. Cucumbers wont ask about your Last Lover…. or speculate about your next one.

59. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.

60. A cucumber wont mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.

61. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.

62. Cucumbers dont leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.

63. A cucumber wont give you a hickey.

64. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night…. and you wont have to sleep on the wet spot.

65. Cucumbers dont leave dirty shorts on the floor.

66. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.

67. A cucumber doesnt flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.

68. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.

69. Cucumbers dont compare you to a center fold.

70. Cucumbers dont count to 10.

71. Cucumbers dont tell you they liked you better with long hair.

72. A cucumber will never leave you … …for another woman.

73. …for another man.

74. …for another cucumber.

75. A cucumber will never call and say I have to work late, Honey, and then come home smelling like another woman.

76. A cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy.

77. You always know where a cucumber has been.

78. A cucumber never has to call the wife.

79. Cucumbers never have mid-life crises.

80. A cucumber wont leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.

81. Cucumbers dont play the guitar and try to find themselves.

82. You wont find out later that your cucumber … …is married.

83. …is on penicillin.

84. …likes you – but loves your brother.

85. A cucumber doesnt have softball practice on the day you move.

86. Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R&R.

87. A cucumber wont ask for a promotion just when youre up for a promotion.

88. Cucumbers dont care if you make more money than they do.

89. Cucumbers wont wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.

90. A cucumber wont leave town on New Years Eve.

91. A cucumber wont take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.

92. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.

93. A cucumber doesnt care if you always spent the holidays with your family.

94. A cucumber wont ask to be put through Med School.

95. A cucumber wont tell you hes outgrown you intellectually.

96. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.

97. Cucumbers dont say Lets keep trying until we have a boy.

98. A cucumber wont insist the little cukes be raised Catholic, Jewish, or Orthodox Vegetarian.

99. Its easy to drop a cucumber.

100. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.

101. No matter how you slice it, you can have your cuke and eat it too.