36 things youll never hear from a Redneck…



1. Ill take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex

2. Duct tape wont fix that.

3. Come to think of it, Ill have a Heineken.

4. We dont keep firearms in this house.

5. You cant feed that to the dog.

6. I thought Graceland was tacky.

7. No kids in the back of the pick-up…its not safe.

8. Professional wresslins fake.

9. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

10. Were vegetarians.

11. Do you think my hair is too big?

12. Ill have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

13. Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.

14. I dont understand the appeal of NASCAR.

15. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Deer heads detract from the decor.

17. Spitting is such a nasty habit.

18. I just couldnt find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

20. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

21. The tires on that truck are too big.

22. Ill have the arugula and radicchio salad.

23. Ive got it all on a floppy disk.

24. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

25. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

26. My fiance is registered at Tiffanys.

27. Ive got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

28. Shes too old to be wearing that bikini.

29. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

30. Hey, heres an episode of Hee Haw that we havent seen.

31. I dont have a favorite college football team.

32. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

33. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

34. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

35. Elvis who?

36. Checkmate