Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What youd better have around de yard if youre going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesnt appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when youre mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though theyre sure youre not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.