Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with the boys. I told the missus that I would be home by midnight … promise!

Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized shed probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness even when smashed – to escape a possible conflict.

Next morning the missus asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 oclock. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.

When I asked her why she said: Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said @$#%, cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat; cuckooed two more times, and giggled.