Actual Bumper Stickers

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.
I.R.S.: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got.
Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks youre an asshole.
Im just driving this way to piss you off.
Reality is a crutch for people who cant handle drugs.
Keep honking, Im reloading.
Hang up and drive.
Lord save me from your followers.
Guns dont kill people, postal workers do.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen.
Friends dont let Friends drive Naked.
If we arent supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Diplomacy is the art of saying Nice doggie!… till you can find a rock.
Sex on television cant hurt you… unless you fall off.

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