"If you run, youll only go to jail tired.""The handcuffs are tight because theyre new. Theyll stretch out after you wear them awhile.""So, you dont know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?""No sir, we dont have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now were allowed to write as many tickets as we want.""Warning! You want a warning? Okay, Im warning you not to do that again or Ill give you another ticket.""Lifes tough, its tougher if youre stupid.""In God we trust, all others are suspects."