05
May

Alcohol Warning Labels

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDAs suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.

WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
Mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible or bulletproof.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.

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