Top 50 Worst Reasons to pull an all-nighter

by Jeremy Shaggy Toeman (jt3h+@andrew.cmu.edu)

NOTE: an all-nighter means missing one nights worth of sleep.

Heated Less-filling Tastes great debate.
Need to figure out which way is east. Wait for sunrise.
Watching Professional Wrestling.
Writing script to Problem Child 3 in an attempt to put to rest all
the unanswered questions from 1 and 2.
Cramming for a test you have the following week.
Waiting for friend to call back with answer to How do you keep an
idiot up all night?
Anything involving latin, Taylors series, or heat transfer.
Attempting to discover how many licks it takes to get to the center
of a Tootsie Pop.
Slightly confused on that whole 5 oclock shadow thing.
Listening to every CD you own using that cool intro feature that
comes in SO handy with every CD player available.
John Wayne-a-thon on channel 2.
Trying to figure out all the words to that Nirvana song.
UCBTalking to anyone you wont ever spend intimate time with. Same
goes for IRC and Broadcast.
Watering plants. Dead plants. Rocks. Dirt. The cat.
Trying to draw a perfect circle freehand, with crayons.
Singing along with Achy Breaky Heart over and over again. What
catchy lyrics that song has, eh?
Second-guessing your clock. (Also works well with Traffic Lights, and
simply anything that blinks on and off forever)
Driving to every 7-11 (or Circle K) in town, just to check that they
are being faithful to their Open 24 Hours policies.
Tring to figure out just why Wil Wheaton is a star.
Pricking yourself with a pin every 5 minutes, just for the heck of
it.
Reading all the articles in your entire Playboy collection to see how
relevant they are to todays economy.
Spinning round and round in circles until you get so dizzy you hurl.
Repeat in opposite direction. Figure out which way makes you blow
chunks faster. Try to keep spinning while heaving.
Coming up with as many colorful euphemisms for the term vomit as
possible. (e.g. spew, yak, ralph, etc…)
Thinking about ways the world would be different if there was no
cement.
Spelunking. In your basement.
Price shopping for beef jerky at any 24-hour supermarkets.
Thinking about that 14-year old brat who sent in $1000 to Clinton,
when you splurge on a Whopper Combo.
Making popcorn, or blowing balloons. (Sorry, inside joke. They are
still NOT good reasons to pull an all-nighter, however)
Pulling out each strand in a Koosh ball. Reassemble the koosh ball.
Repeat. Juggle on occasion.
Pretending it is really 12 hours later than it is. (i.e. Going to
classes, eating lunch, waiting for the soaps to come on…)
Just watching that flashing 12:00 on your VCR because you looked at
your other clocks already, and are simply looking for a second
opinion.
Rearranging your room all night long, attempting to make the WORST
setup possible, just to show that you would do such a thing.
Learn how to communicate better with the animal kingdom.
Trying to figure out how that counter works on a VCR. Once you do
figure it out, borrow a friends VCR. Repeat until insane.
Memorizing all the area codes. (Other good things: local phone
prefixes, zip codes, time zones, etc…)
Wanting to see cool times on your clock like 1:23, 6:66, 4:56, 00:69,
6:30, etc… (If you actually look for some of these times, you may
end up waiting more than all night…)
Pulling all your hair out so you can organize it by color, length,
thickness, straightness. Continue doing so until they haul you off to
the loony bin.
Learning sanskrit, serbo-croatian, ancient french, klingon, or any
other language you probably wont have much call for.
Anything that has to do with Star Trek. (ESPECIALLY watching Star
Trek 5 or 1 really… or that Deep Space show….)
Catching up with all those missed episodes of Coach you taped, so you
can follow along with the current, in-depth plotline.
Buying large amounts of bubble wrap, popping it ALL, then using it to
ship stuff. Breakable stuff.
You HAVE a life, yet you spend it reading lists like this.
Getting high on Marks-A-Lot markers.
Holding yourself hostage, but not telling anyone. Make large demands.
Trying to find food combinations that taste really bad.
Pondering all the hardships Michael Jackson has gone through in his
life. Writing him a sympathy card would be a nice touch.
House of cards.
Reliving the war. Any war. Maybe a childhood schoolyard fight. Maybe
just you stubbing your toe on that damned couch again.
Playing with heat-sensitive toys.
Writing Top 50 lists. Be creative.

Thanks to Michael Red Harris for his rather uninspiring remarks.

Distribute freely, but please dont cut ANYTHING from the first line to this
one.