Mike McGovern, a writer, objected to having a destructive hurricane named after his sweet niece, Emily. So in yesterdays NY Times, he submitted the following list of more appropriate hurricane names and how these storms might behave:

Hurricane ClintonMoves right, then left again
Hurricane GergenSpins uncontrollably
Hurricane PowellHeads directly for the White House
Hurricane NunnTravels only in a straight line
Hurricane BushCompletely misses Middle America
Hurricane PerotSmall but annoying
Hurricane DoleEliminates roads, bridges and schools; spares only Kansas
Hurricane MadonnaLeaves clothes strewn everywhere
Hurricane OprahGets smaller, then bigger again
Hurricane LettermanAppears an hour earlier than expected
Hurricane ChevyFades almost immediately
Hurricane WallaceHard-hitting but lasts only 60 minutes
Hurricane HeidiBlows the lid off Hollywood studios
Hurricane JordanStops abruptly at its peak
Hurricane DykstraDevastates Atlanta and Toronto
Hurricane ForemanDevours everything in sight
Hurricane SteinbrennerThreatens to move towards New Jersey
Hurricane TrumpUproots giant maples
Hurricane MilkenLeaves a trail of junk
Hurricane ButtafuocoHits Long Island high schools
Hurricane TailhookLeaves nothing untouched