Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot:

I am an elderly woman who lives alone. There are no senior centers in my area, and I live on a fixed income. I would love to get out and meet more people, but there seem to be very few options for someone my age. Is there some social outlet I dont know about?

— Lonely In Laramie

Dear Lonely,

Kick it, lick it, watch where I stick it

Face down while I punch your ticket

Ride my king cobra round the world

Wanna do ya girl

Want ya pettin my big black cat

Blackberry jam dont shake like that

If your bootys extra-large, Ill bring the funk

Wanna see some extra luggage in the trunk.

Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot:

I am preparing an elegant dinner party for the holidays with approximately 30 guests. Many on the guest list have made special requests regarding next to whom they wish to be seated. Is it my job to accommodate as many requests as possible, or is my time better spent on the other details of the party?

— Baffled In Baldwin

Dear Baffled,

Drop em and shake it, girl, ya wont break it

Leave enough for me to take it

Mix likes to get down and make it

When the girl is large and naked

Talkin bout a booty with meat on the bones

Two scoops of chocolate, hold the cones

Wanna hit your pleasure zone

Mix-A-Lot gonna make you moan.

Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot:

If you ask me, your response to Torn In Tuscaloosa was way off the mark. If her boyfriend doesnt want to get off the couch and start working for a living, hes nothing but a no-good, selfish moocher. That girl should drop him like a hot potato!

— Peeved In Peekskill

Dear Peeved,

Whos afraid of my big bad weenie

Rub it and see if its got a genie

Gonna make disappear this 10-inch zucchini

Just like Houdini

M-I-X to the A-L-O-T rappin

Wanna see yo butt cheeks flappin

Mix want the honeys with the big back doors

So drop them drawers, whores. Unh.