Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.



Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to fix up unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as perfect for you.



However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive

phrases into plain English:



dandy little house keeper:

She has been married three times and kept all the houses



fine character:

Shes ugly



knows how to handle money:

Shes a spendthrift and great at spending yours



spotless reputation:

Shes ugly



strong family ties:

Shes a Mafia Princess



loves children:

Shes pregnant and needs a husband



wonderful personality:

Shes fat



great sense of humor:

Shes fat and will laugh at anything you say



the outdoor type:

She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys



ready to settle down:

Shes thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry



likes to have a good time:

She gets drunk a lot



lots of fun at parties:

Often makes an ass of herself



mature woman:

Shes at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five



has the appearance of a young school girl:

Shes at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager



casual:

She dresses like a slob



decorated her own place:

Her apartment resembles a pig sty



a great dancer:

Shell wear the soles right off your shoes



not overly emotional:

She only cries twenty-seven times a day



doesnt chase men:

Shes more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type



seldom dates:

Shes a lesbian who needs a male escort for something



understands men:

Shes been married and divorced four times



a good sport:

She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table



looks and dresses like a model:

Shes five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds



been in show business:

Shes a former porn movie star



traveled a lot:

Shes searched high and low for a husband



knows a lot of interesting people:

None of whom would marry her



wonderful disposition:

Shes ugly