Old Jokes | New Jokes

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

Very good, said her mother.

Is it because Im blonde, Mommy?

Yes, its because youre blonde.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

Mommy, Mommy, She yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.

See? a, b, c, d, e, f, g!

Very good, said her mother.

Is it because Im blonde, Mommy?

Yes, its because youre blonde.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

Very good, said her embarrassed mother.

Is it because Im blonde, mommy?

No, its because youre 25.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A1: A golden retriever.

A2: A labrador.

A3: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?

A: Theyve both swallowed a lot of semen.

Twas the Night before X-mas

Twas the night before christmas- Old Santa was pissed

He cussed out the elves and through down his list

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

Ive busted my ass for damn near a year

Instead of thanks Santa what do I hear

The Old lady bitches cause I work late at night

The elves want more money the reindeers all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes-if that aint damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money

And the kids these days- they all are the pits

They want the impossible… Those mean litttle shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls….Their arms, legs, and heads

I made a ton of yo yos No request for them

They want computers and robots…..they think Im IBM

If you thinks that bad…just picture this

Try holding their pants full of piss

They pull on my nose they grab at my beard

And if I dont smile the parents think Im wierd

Flying through the air…dodging the trees

Falling down chimmneys and skinning their knees

Im quitting this job…theres just no enjoyment

Ill sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

Theres no christmas this year…. now you know the reason

I found me a blonde …Im going south for the season

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?

A: So she could lip read.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.