27
Oct
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Whats a lightbulb?
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, Daaady!
Archive for the ‘Blonde’ Category
26
Oct
On her way home a blonde drove past a sign that said CLEAN
RESTROOMS 8 MILES.
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
26
Oct
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porn shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and asks if he could handle it alone for a bit. The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the bosss positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, How much for the white dildo?He answers, $35.She: How much for the black one?He: $35 for the black one, $35 for the white one.She: I think Ill take the black one. Ive never had a black one before.She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks How much for the black dildo?He: $35.She: How much for the white one?He: $35 for the white one, $35 for the black one.She: Hmmm…I think Ill take the white one. Ive never had a white one before…She pays him, and off she goes.About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, How much are your dildos?He: $35 for the white, $35 for the black.She: Hmmmmm….how much is that plaid one on the shelf?He: Well, thats a very special dildo…itll cost you $165.She thinks for a moment and answers, Ill take the plaid one, Ive never had a plaid one before….She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guys boss returns and asks, How did you do while I was gone?To which the saleman responded, I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!
24
Oct
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, Ive kidnapped you.
She then wrote a note saying, Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kids shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?
24
Oct
Q: Whats so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know shell swallow.
Q: Why dont they teach drivers education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They dont want to wear out the camel.
Q: Whats the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Hells Angel with a Jehovahs Witness?
A: Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to fuck off!
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.
Q: Whats the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.
Q: Whats the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golfball.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows shes given her last blow job.
Q: Who is the most popular man at the Nudist Colony?
A: The man who can carry two cups of coffee and 12 donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular woman at the Nudist Colony?
A: The woman who can eat the last two donuts.
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: Its cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the lightbulb.
Q. Whats the definition of Trust? A. Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.
Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass? A. Pleasing!
Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jacksons ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand…
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When hes got his head up a fairys skirt, then hes a goblin.
Q. Whats the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a quickie, only you do it yourself.
Q: Whats a Japanese girls favorite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongues still in the envelope.
Q: Whats the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Q: Which of the following doesnt belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just cant beat a blow job.
23
Oct
There is a thread about those supermarket discount customer cards
in misc.consumer. Heres MY followup:
Dear Mr. Jones:
We noticed youve not picked up any condoms at SpiffyMart recently.
(Your last purchase was 8 weeks ago.) Further, you have stopped
buying feminine hygiene products, but have sharply increased
your frozen pizza and dinners usage in the same time frame.
Its clear that Ms. Jody Sanders has dumped you. (Its probably
for the best - we knew she was a loser from that cheap shampoo she
buys.) We confirmed this with the Post Office database–yep, she
filed a change of address.
We at Horny International offer our condolences. As the number-one
vender of hot X-rated videos, wed like to help you out in this
time of stress. If youre feeling lonely, check out our catalog of
both VHS and super 8 tapes.
Order now and we throw in an extra tape FREE!
Yours Truly;
Sleazy Jerk, Marketing Manager.
ps: That blond at ODougles last Saturday–you bought her
2nd Strawberry Martini? Forget it! Shes on her third yeast
infection in as many months, and is a regular at Acme Pharmacy.
(Her HMO computer gossips with ours.) You never know what else she
might have. Our tapes are LOTS safer!..
23
Oct
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course the famer is a blonde. 
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?
The farmer replies, Im trying to win a Nobel Prize.
How? asks the man, puzzled.
Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!
23
Oct
22
Oct
What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?
A blonde doing cartwheels!
22
Oct
A blonde woman was in a competition to swim across the English Channel. Her competitors in the Breast Stroke division were a brunette woman and a redheaded woman. The brunette came in first, the redhead a few minutes later. Just as the sun was setting, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, I dont want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.