Old Jokes | New Jokes

Cutler Websters Law: There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

Its lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Woods Axiom: As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.

The Japanese team won by a mile.

Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of Executives was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.

After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough rowing. To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to 4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought to do it.

The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.

The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

If at first you dont succeed, your successor will.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Real programmers dont notch their desks for each completed service request.

The simplest subjects are the ones you dont know anything about.

Things are more like today than they ever were before.

One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.