Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Its as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
If you dont like the news, go out and make some.
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Sorry, I dont date outside my species.
I may be fat, but youre ugly - I can lose weight!
No Radio - Already Stolen
Few women admit their age, Few men act it!
I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
If we arent supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Death is lifes way of telling you youve been fired.
Stop repeat offenders. Dont re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isnt so hot, either!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
According to my calculations the problem doesnt exist.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
How Can I Miss You if You Wont Go Away?
Seen on a womans car: Men call us birds, we pick up worms
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
I like you, but I wouldnt want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
Im out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who cant.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!
BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
My karma ran over your dogma.
I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!
A fool and his money are a girls best friend.
Im not driving fast-just flying low.
Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.
My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I is a college student.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who dont.
I feel like Im diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Hes not dead, hes electroencephalographically challenged.
Shes always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Where theres a will…I want to be on it.
Its lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Dont drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill it.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids…They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember youre unique…Just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Eschew obfuscation.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
I.R.S.: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a free gift ? Arent all gifts free?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I love cats…they taste just like chicken
Laugh alone and the world thinks youre an idiot.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….
Your kid may be an honor student but youre still an IDIOT!
I souport publik edekasion
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.