A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, Hello, Patricia Whack. Id like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.
Patti looks at this frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000 and the teller asks him his name, and the frog says its Kermit Jagger, hes the adopted pet of Mick Jagger and that its ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, Sure. I have this, and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that shell have to consult with the manager and leaves the room. She finds the manager and says, There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know Mick Jagger and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral. She holds up the tiny pink elephant and asks, What the heck is this?
The bank manager looks her in the eye and says:Its a knick knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a Rolling Stone.
Archive for the ‘Celebrity’ Category
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks:
Doctor, how long before we can have sex?
The doctor replies, Id wait until hes at least 14.
You are a child of the 80s If…
*You know what a burnout is.
*You owned/operated a Trapper Keeper
*You know what Psych means.
*Once, while spending hours in the arcade, you actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game — to reserve your spot.
*You know the profound meaning of Wax on, Wax off.
*You know that another name for a keyboard is a Synthesizer.
*You can name at least half of the members of the elite Brat Pack.
*You know who Tina Yothers is.
*You wanted to be a Goonie.
*You felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for sex with minors and videotaping it, because you liked him.
*You had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s in your jr. high computer lab
*You know who Max Headroom is.
*You even wore fluorescent, neon if you will, clothing.
*You could breakdance, or wish you could.
*You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
*You Believed that By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!
*Partying like its 1999 seemed SO far away.
*You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
*You can, right now, hum to yourself the theme to Inspector Gadget
*You wanted to be on Star Search.
*You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
*You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth, or knew someone who did.
*You knew what Willis was talkin bout.
*You HAD to have your MTV
*You remember when Kramer was on a show called Fridays
*You hold a special place in your heart for Back to the Future.
*You know where to go if you wanna go where everybody knows your name.
*You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
*You actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie.
*You heard of Garbage Pail Kids.
*You knew The Artist when he was humbly called Prince.
*You actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played Sam to be.
*You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system
*You own(ed) any cassette singles
*You were led to believe that in the year 2000 wed all be living on the moon.
*You remember And/or own any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut. Or any other stupid collection they came out with.
*Poltergeist freaked you out.
*You carried you lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox.
*You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
*You know what a Doozer is.
*You wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew someone who did.
*You ever had a Swatch Watch.
*You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
*You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.
*You know what a Whammee is..
If you can identify with at least half of this list then you, my friend, are a Child of the 80s.
Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.
Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album out and Oprah Winfrey has not died yet. This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Talibans fighting spirit.
Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.
However, plans to have the giant Christ kick the crap out of an effeminate 80-foot Mohammed in central Kabul were discarded as insensitive to Muslim allies.