Old Jokes | New Jokes

Mainframe - The part of the house that holds up the roof

PCMCIA People Cant Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms





ISDN It Still Does Nothing





APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity





SCSI System Cant See It





DOS Defective Operating System





BASIC Bills Attempt to Seize Industry Control





IBM I Blame Microsoft





DEC Do Expect Cuts





CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months





OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.





WWW World Wide Wait





MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs





PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of



Mathematics





COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language





AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction





LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis





MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed





WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System





GIRO Garbage In Rubbish Out





MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for)



Fools (&) Teenagers.

Microsoft files trademark infringement lawsuit

REDMOND, WA (APR. 27) BUSINESS WIRE - Microsoft Corp. announced today that they have filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against Kimberly-Clark Paper Company. The lawsuit claims that Kimberly-Clark has knowingly violated trademark laws in their introduction of Windows TP line of paper products.

The lawsuit names four separate products from Kimberly-Clark: The Windows TP Quilted for home use and the discerning business, The Windows TP Non-Quilted quality bargain brand for general business and office use, The Windows TP Floppy Roughness for extended shelf life, and the Windows TP CD-ROM Recycled Waterproof Roughness for schools and backpackers.

Kimberly-Clark has acknowledged the lawsuit. In a written statement to the press, a spokesperson for Kimberly-Clark said, Our product and computer software are unrelated. While it may be said that both Microsofts product and ours have similar uses, we believe that they are sufficiently different that both can maintain the Windows TP name without infringement.

A Microsoft spokesperson said, Our Windows TP product was conceived in the exact same place where the Kimberly-Clark product will be used, and thus is in clear violation of trademark laws. Also, every restroom facility already has a Window in it, and more of these facilities are moving to computer automation.

We feel that our Windows TP operating system will be in millions of bathrooms within the next year, and there are enough brands of TP out on the market already without adding another which clearly violates Microsofts trademark.

REDMOND, WA (APR. 29) - Business Day

Mr. Gates has no intention of deifying himself a Microsoft spokesperson reassured an anxious delegation of meditators to-day. It is traditional for the development team of a Microsoft product to include their names and bitmaps in the product. These bitmaps are only made visible through the activation of a backdoor - an unusual combination of keystrokes.

In the case of TPW (the telepathic version of Windows) the beta waves generated by the meditation activated the word beta embedded in the version number contained in the code. This in turn triggered the release of the bitmap of Mr Gates, the spokesperson ended.

From the explanation given by the delegation it appears that the sudden appearance of the image of Mr Bill Gates led several of the less experienced meditators to believe that they had been made privy to the appearance of the next saviour of the world.

When asked if this problem would be corrected before the product was released, the Microsoft spokesperson said that it was not official policy to comment on unreleased products.

Originally from Dave Coble
Read also:
Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

IBM: Infernal Bloody Monopoly

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from Microsoft shipped on time: Jennifer Katharine Gates, weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er, born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11pm. And what do Baby Gates and Daddys products have in common? 1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support. 2. Both barf all over themselves regularly. 3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support wont help. 4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that which preceeded them. 5. At first release theyre relatively compact, but they seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year. 6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much anyone could have produced one. 7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate documentation. 8. No matter what, it takes several months between the announcement and the actual release. 9. Bill gets the credit but someone else did most of the work. 10. For at least the next year, theyll suck.

Three women were dressing after an aerobics workout and talking about their spouses. My husband, said the first, is a marriage counselor. He always buys me candy or flowers before we make love.

Mine is a jeweler, the second said. he always brings me a pearl or two before we make love.

The third woman paused … Well, she finally said, my husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great its going to be when I get it.

Screen - What is a must during black fly season

If University of Waterloo ran Christmas…
They would immediately change the name to WatMas.

IBM: Intense Bowel Movement