these two guys walk across a field but soon get stopped by the owner. the owner is mad cuz he doesnt like anybody walking in his field. anyway he tells the two men that unless they dont do what he tells them to he will shoot their heads off. so the owner lets them sleep in his barn for one day. late that night when they two men were sleeping the owner came and woke both of them up and told them to go out in the field and pick out any fruit or vegetable of their choice. so the two men obeyed and went. one of the men came back with a melon then the owner told him to bend over and shove it up his ass. the the man started laughing and the owner was asking why is he laughing at a moment like this then the guy said because my friend out there is picking a watermelon!
Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category
A guy walks into a construction site, sets down his football bat, and orders a beer. The flamingo looks at him and says, Ill bet you $5.00 that you cant stand on your own neck.
The guy replies, Well, if youre out of grilled cheese, then I dont do pianos!
A little girl asked her mother, Can I go outside and play with the boys?
Her mother replied, No, you cant play with the boys, theyre too rough.
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?
There was once a man who could not get his penis up.
His wife was sad. They had no fun,
So one day the man went to the doctors
to get a perscription for his problem.
We dont like to just give drugs out the doctor said.
I want you to try something and if it doesnt work come back.
What? the man asked.
When your wife is asleep,
Stick your finger in her pussy
and sniff your fingers.
Do you think it will really work?
The doctor was sure.
So, the next night when his wife lay next to him in bed,
he did what the doctor said.
He sniffed those fingers and found them to be good.
He realized it worked, he realized he could.
Honey, Honey!! he called. Wake up!
With a grunt she turned on the light,
looked her husband in the face, and said
You woke me to tell me you have a nose bleed!!
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Tim, you be first, she said. What does your mother do all day?
Tim stood up and proudly said, Shes a doctor.
Thats wonderful. How about you, Amie?
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, My father is a mailman.
Thank you, Amie, said the teacher. What about your father, Billy?
Billy proudly stood up and announced, My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks.
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billys house and rang the bell. Billys father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Billys father said, Im actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?
A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, Whos that guy on the beach with you, with all the muscles and curly hair?
Thats your father, she says.
The kid looks at her funny and asks her, Then whos that old bald headed fat man who lives with us now?