Old Jokes | New Jokes

How do you know whether a limousine is owned by a Jew?

Hes got a pay phone at the back.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together.

They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were
about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed into each of
their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over
the beer and then started yelling Spit it out, spit it out, you
bastard!

1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbors house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense

You might be a redneck if you have ever awakened someone
to tell them its time to go to sleep.

Whats the difference between a Jewish American Princess and a barracuda?

Nail polish.

The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger.

The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row
the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall.

The Pole, the ships doctor, said that they could not possibly last that
long, that there was only one solution to the problem and that one of them
would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others.

The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that he
would volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway.

After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen,
the captain jumped overboard and sank without trace.

How come they dont let the little black kids play in the sandbox?

Cause the kittys keep trying to bury them.

What do you have if you have ten [Ethnics] up to their necks in cement?

Not enough cement.

I was driving through downtown San Antonio with my boss when we passed a
sign reading Museum of Texas Culture.

Huh. That ought to take about ten minutes to see, I scoffed.

Without missing a beat my boss replied, Why in Gods name would you want
to go through twice?

This black guy walks into this bar, with a parrot.

The bartender asked What would you like?

The parrot said A Budlight

The amazed bartener started to ask the man Where did you get him?

But the parrot interupted Africa!! Theres a thousands of em!