Old Jokes | New Jokes

Did you hear about the [ethnic] who was tap dancing?

He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?

9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.

He replies, Those ones were pointed on the wrong end. The buddy gets exasperated and says You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!

What do you cal an [ethnic] and his 500 girl friends?

A Sheppard.

What do you call half a busload of [Ethnics] going off a cliff?

A shame the other half wasnt full.

What do you call a Muslim roofing contractor?

Shiite on a shingle.

How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb?

Forget it- well drink in the dark

Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary
living with a tribe of black natives.

On day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into
his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe. He explains to the white
man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and
that since hes the only white man for thousands of miles, he will
be the main course that night.

Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain chief,
says the Missionary. Youre jumping to conclusions here. Let me
tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and
how theres one black one amongst them.

OK! says the Chief, You say nothing, I say nothing!

Collage 268 27 MAY 96

SUBJ: College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version

Time Limit: 3 WKS

Name: _____________________________

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic
(check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in Americas far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush: ____________________________________________
Carter: __________________________________________
Clinton: __________________________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being
George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Macys
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einsteins Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
___ (a) New York
___ (b) Florida
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you
have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.

* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify.