At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of I love you only Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Dont kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
Sign in a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Sign at fast-food place: PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!
Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
At my Universitys Student center Bathrooms: If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police.
In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance.
Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: Rest Area Next Right - the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.
A sign in the local opportunity shop says, If your going to steal, then smile for the camera.
Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Sign in a Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: Please do not disturb further.
Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
Sign in a veterinarys waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS
At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: Belt your family. Its the law.
Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: Broken English spoken perfectly
At an Applebees restaraunt: NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!
Fitness Center sign: Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts.
On a store front in Florida: Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!
A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: Smile, Youre on Radar!
Seen in a State Park in California: Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If its wet, its raining. If its moving, its windy. If you cant see it, its foggy. If rock is gone, its a tornado.
Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
Sign seen in London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: Closed for official opening.
Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Sign in a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Sign in a science teachers room: If it moves, its biology. If it stinks, its chemistry. If it doesnt work, its physics.
Sign in butchers window: Pleased to meat you.
Sign on auto body shop: May we have the next dents?
Sign at the dry cleaners window: Drop your pants here.
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: Reserved for plant manager.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
Sign seen in London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: Closed for official opening.
Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Sign in a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.