Sign on the door of the maternity ward: Push Push Push.
Sign at entrance of the IRS: Watch your step.
Sign at the exit of the IRS: Watch your mouth.
Sign in a bookstore: We treat you write.
Sign on a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
Sign in a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but youll find they are best in the long run.
Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: English well talking. Here speeching American.
Sign at a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Sign on music teachers door: Out Chopin.
Sign at the electic company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you dont, you will be.
Sign in beauty shop window: Dye now!
Sign on a garbage truck: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got.
Sign at a computer store: Out for a quick byte.
In a Tacoma, Washington mens clothing store: 15 mens wool suits, $10. They wont last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament-Ears pierced
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you cant read this, its time to wash your car.
Sign in a realtors office: Lots for little.
Sign in a shoe store: Come in and have a fit.
Sign in a maternity clothes store: We are open on labor day.
Sign in a non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Sign in a Norwegian lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: Please do not disturb further.
Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
Sign in a veterinarys waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
Sign in a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
Sign seen on an electricity pylon: DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.
Sign in a Japanese Hotel room: In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
Sign in a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Sign on a Norfolk farm: Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left.
Sign in a restaurant window: T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12
A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: Todays special. Below it says: Sos tomorrow.
Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies cant be wrong).
Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: Drive carefully. Well wait.
Sign in a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)
On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: Safety ladder, climb at own risk.
Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!
Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: Run like Anything!
Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.