Old Jokes | New Jokes

Sign in a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

Sign seen on an electricity pylon: DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.

Sign in a Japanese Hotel room: In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

Sign in a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

Sign on a Norfolk farm: Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left.

Sign in a restaurant window: T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12

A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: Todays special. Below it says: Sos tomorrow.

Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies cant be wrong).

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: Drive carefully. Well wait.

Sign in a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.

Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)

On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: Safety ladder, climb at own risk.

Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!

Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: Run like Anything!

Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.

In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.-Sisters of Mercy

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.

In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.

In restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: Rome wasnt built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS

A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: Caution: Nuts crossing road.

On a ski lift in Taos, NM: No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.

In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On a roller coaster: Watch your head.

On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission.

On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of I love you only Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Dont kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.

In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

Sign in a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Sign at fast-food place: PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

At my Universitys Student center Bathrooms: If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police.

In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance.

Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: Rest Area Next Right – the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.

A sign in the local opportunity shop says, If your going to steal, then smile for the camera.

Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE – XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: Belt your family. Its the law.

Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: Broken English spoken perfectly

At an Applebees restaraunt: NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!

Fitness Center sign: Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself – regardless of the facts.