Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isnt worth anything - gas is!
Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
At a restaurant in New York: Tip-ing is not a city in China.
While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a ign that read Will work for food. If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly a bove him read Now hiring.
At an office: This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have recieved raises, bonses and promotions.
SEEN ON A BILLBOARD ALONG A HIGHWAY: Caution: Objects in the mirror may have flunked drivers education.
Sign on fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Sign in a car dealership office: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Sign over a cannibals hut: I never met a man I didnt like.
Sign in a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. Well hear you coming.
Sign at a hotel. Help! We need inn-experienced people.
Sign in a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
Sign seen on an electricity pylon: DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.
Sign in a Japanese Hotel room: In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
Sign in a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Sign on a Norfolk farm: Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left.
Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Sign from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
Sign in an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
Sign in a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Sign on a scientists door: Gone fission.
Sign in a taxidermists window: We really know our stuff.
Sign in a podiatrists window: Time wounds all heels.
Sign in a butchers window: Let me meat your needs.
Sign on used car lot: Second hand cars in first crash condition.
Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)
On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: Safety ladder, climb at own risk.
Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!
Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: Run like Anything!
Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.
Sign in a restaurant window: T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12
A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: Todays special. Below it says: Sos tomorrow.
Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies cant be wrong).
Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: Drive carefully. Well wait.
Sign in a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: Rome wasnt built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.
A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS
A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: Caution: Nuts crossing road.
On a ski lift in Taos, NM: No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.