Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESNT WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESNT KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Outside a photographers studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.
Seen in a health food store. Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot
Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense.
I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
Sign in school: In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended.
Sign on an asphalt truck: Let us fill your crack!
Office sign: Ace exterminating - we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome.
Sign at a muffler shop: No muff too tough for us!
Sign on a government issue car: Fulton county disaster coordinator.
Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care
Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: Nobody reads billboards…. But you just did 
An ad on the subway in NYC: Learn to read and speak English. Call us now.
An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed.
Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: Used beer department.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you cant read this, its time to wash your car.
Sign in a realtors office: Lots for little.
Sign in a shoe store: Come in and have a fit.
Sign in a maternity clothes store: We are open on labor day.
Sign in a non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Sign in a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but youll find they are best in the long run.
Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: English well talking. Here speeching American.
Sign at a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.