One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside.
He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
Ill grant you your fondest wish, the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, I want a spectacular job.
A job that no man has ever succeeded at nor has ever even dared try.
Poof! said the genie.
Youre a housewife!
Q: Why is the book Women Who Love Too Much a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Artist means: Unreliable
Average looking means: You figure this one out
Beautiful means: Pathological liar
How Dogs and Men Are the Same
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you whats bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Neither does any dishes.
7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.
8. Both like dominance games.
9. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
If Men Were to Rewrite The Rules
Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
Rule # 2 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
Rule # 3 It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
A man walks into a building and gets into the elevator. He presses the button for the fifth floor. At the fifth floor the most stunning woman he has ever seen gets into the lift and leans seductively against the wall.
The man doesnt know where to look and starts to get very nervous.
The woman begins to unbutton her blouse and throws it on the floor. She then takes off her bra and throws it on the floor.
At this stage the guy is getting very nervous.
Then she says Make a woman out of me.
He unbuttons his shirt,throws it on the floor and replies - Alright, iron that.
WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations
Self-employed means: Jobless
Smart means: Insipid
Special means: Rode the small schoolbus w/ tinted windows
Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctors, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone.
And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve…
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, I can do better than that!
Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who cares its not his house any more.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say focus,…breath…push…
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, to go somewhere and neck. After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.