Heres a list of some cute letters kids have written to God:
Dear GOD:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why dont You just keep the ones You have? - Jane
Dear GOD:
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. - Larry
Dear GOD:
If You watch me in church on Sunday, Ill show You my new shoes. - Mickey
Dear GOD:
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. - Nan
Dear GOD:
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane
Dear GOD:
I read the Bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me. - Love, Alison
Dear GOD:
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? - Lucy
Dear GOD:
Is it true my father wont get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita
Dear GOD:
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD:
Who draws the lines around the countries? - Nan
Dear GOD:
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD:
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane
Dear GOD:
Did You really mean do unto others as they do unto you? Because if You did, then Im going to fix my brother. - Darla
Dear GOD:
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. - Joyce
Dear GOD:
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (But I am not going to tell You who I am)
Dear GOD:
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L.
Dear GOD:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce
Dear GOD:
If we come back as something else, please dont let me be MaryHorton - because I hate her. - Denise
Dear GOD:
If you give me a genie like Aladdin, I will give You anything You want, except my money or my chess set. - Raphael
Dear GOD:
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. - Sam
Dear GOD:
You dont have to worry about me. I always look both ways. - Dean
Dear GOD:
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth M.
Dear GOD:
I think about You sometimes even when Im not praying - Elliott
Dear GOD:
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.- Rob
Dear GOD:
My brother told me about being born but it doesnt sound right. Theyre just kidding, arent they? - Marsha
Dear GOD:
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. - Love, Chris
Dear GOD:
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it So I bet he stole your idea. - Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah - You made an ark on dry land, you fool. But he was smart, he stuck with You. Thats what I would do. - Eddie
Dear GOD:
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. - Charles
Dear GOD:
I didnt think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. - Eugene
Archive for the ‘Genie’ Category
Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.
Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble.
Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it.
Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared.
The genie said I will grant you one wish. Tony thought for a second and said I wish this whole lake was beer.
Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said You asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.
There is a blond a brunette and a redhead and they get shipwrecked and are all stranded on a desert island. the brunetee is trying to think of a way to get back to land while the redhead gets food and the blond digs in the sand. Suddenly the blond cries out come look, come look so the brunette and the redhead come over to see what the blond has found, it turns out to be a magic lamp so they rub the lamp and a genie comes out and says i will grant you 3 wishes so the redhead says I wish i was back with my family POOF she is back with her family. the brunette says the same, POOF she is back with her family and the blond says sure is lonely without those guys i wish they were back here POOF, POOF, thy are all stranded on a desert island.
One day a woman archeologist found a magic lamp and rubbed it, and a genie popped out. you have three wishes. he said but your husband gets twice as much. i wish for a pile of dimonds poof! she got a pile of dimonds. poof! her husband got two. you have 2 wishes left. said the geinie. iwish for a pile of gold. poof! she got a pile of gold. poof! her husband got two. you have 1 wish left. remember your husband gets twice as much. so she thought real hard and finaly said i wish for you to scare me half to death.
A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. The ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened.
When they peeked inside the house they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, do you live here?
No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful, he answered.
The wife said, are you a genie?
Oh, why yes i am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself, the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes… one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever. The genie nodded and said, done!
The genie now said, for my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire.
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, How long have you been married? to which she responded, Three years. The genie then asked, How old is your husband? to which she responded, 31 years old.
The genie then asked, How long has he believed in this genie stuff?
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are.
Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If its up, Put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you dont want an answer to, expect
an answer you do not want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. Its like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult.
We are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you
think wed be any good at choosing which pair,
out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you wont dress like the Victorias Secret girls,
dont expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.
31. Dont rub the lamp if you dont want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us
how you want it done-not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose
their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses.
We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why
MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing,
we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly
fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry;
the fantasy includes you AND her, together.
A man comes across a genies bottle on the beach and rubs it. A genie appears to grant the man 3 wishes. First the man asks for a million dollars. The genie grants his wish. The the man says that he has always wanted to be as smart as a rocket scientist and the genie grants his wish.
The man thinks long and hard about his third wish and then say, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly and I am afraid of sailing. Could you build a bridge from here to Hawaii?
The genie looks at the man, Are you crazy? Do you know how much material and time that will take?
The man thinks again and says, Then my last wish is to understand how women think.
Would you like that bridge two lane or four?
One day, Mark Bookspan rubbed a lamp and out came a genie. Mark made a wish to be the most handsome man alive, but instead, the genie turned him into a taiper. Surprisingly, this increased Marks sex appeal tenfold.
There was a Genie that saw a bear chasing a rabbit the genie said if the bear stops he will grant them each two wishes. They Agree the bear says I want to have the bigest penis that any bear ever had so it is granted the rabbit says I want a motorcycle the genie shrugs and grants his wish. Then the bear said I want all the bears but me to be female that is also granted then the rabbit starts his motorcycle and says I wish the bear was gay and rides off.
There was this flea and he was walking along the beach and he looked down and found a lamp so he rubbed the lamp and a genie popped out and granted the flea three wishes so the fleas first wish was to be on benji so poof he was on benji about two weeks later he came back to the genie and the genie asked him whats the matter the flea said well benji scratched to much and took to many flea dips and i almost died so the fleas next wish was to be on willie nelsons beard hear so poof he was then about four weeks later the flea came back to the genie and the genie asked what was the matter so the flea said well willie smoked to much and the smoke would get caught in his beard and i almost died so his next wish was to be on dollie partons pubes (pubic hair) so poof he was there about six later he came back to the genie looking really confused so the genie was like whats the matter i thought i got rid of you on that one and the flea says i thought you did to but some how i ended up on willie nelsons beard again!