A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
Look at their reserve, their calm, muses the Brit. They must be British.
Nonsense, the Frenchman disagrees. Theyre naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.
No clothes, no shelter, the Russian points out, they have only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is paradise. They are Russian Jews.
It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers entered the posh
Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker, Mr. Ford,
announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three.
We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry.
Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition kept
his interest piqued. We would like to demonstrate it to you in person.
After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to
enter a black automobile parked in front of the building.
Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car. Please step inside, Mr. Ford. What! shouted the tycoon, Are you crazy?
It must be two hundred degrees in that car! It is, smiled the youngest
brother, Max, but sit down Mr. Ford, and push the white button.
Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing air
started blowing from vents all around the car, and within seconds the
automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool.
This is amazing! exclaimed Ford. How much do you want for the patent?
Norman spoke up, The price is one million dollars.
Then he paused. And there is something else. The name Cohen Brothers Air- conditioning must be stamped right next to the Ford logo!
Money is no problem, retorted Ford, but no way will I have a Jewish name
next to my logo on my cars!
They haggled back and forth for a while and finally they settled. Five
million dollars, but the Cohens last name would be left off.
However, the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever emblazoned
upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.
And that is why, even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you will see
those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control panel:
NORM HI and MAX
One day, two bees are buzzing around whats left of a rose bush.
Hows your summer been? asks bee number one.
Not too good, says bee two. Lotta rain, lotta cold. There arent
enough flowers, therefore not enough pollen.
The first bee has an idea. Hey, why dont you go down to the corner and
hang a left? Theres a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and
fruit.
Bee two buzzes, Thanks! and takes off. An hour later, the bees bump into
each other again.
How was the bar mitzvah? asks the first bee.
Great! replies the second.
The first bee, however, notices a small circle on his friends head, and
inquires, Whats that on your head?
A yarmulke, is the answer. I didnt want them to think I was a Wasp.
In Jerusalem, an English female journalist heard about an old rabbi who visited the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.
In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is!
She watches the bearded old man at prayer–and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview.
Im Jane Collins from the BBC, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying? For about 50 years, he informs her.
50 years! Thats amazing! What do you pray for?
I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.
And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?
Like Im talking to a brick wall.
Chaim and Moishe were walking along a dark alley, and saw two suspicious characters in the distance. Chaim says to Moishe: We better run: there are two of them.
There was a Chinese pilot and a Jewish pilot on a flight to NYC. For some reason, they werent too fond of one another, and there was a long, tense silence that accompanied them on their trip. Finally, the Jewish pilot said something to the Chinese pilot:
I dont like the Chinese. They bombed Pearl Harbor.
No, no, no, said the Chinese man. That was the Japanese.
Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, same thing.
Another half hour of tense silence.
The Chinese pilot finally said to the Jewish pilot, I dont like the Jews. They sank the Titanic.
No, no, no! That was an iceberg!
Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, same thing.
A Jew and a Christian are being chased by the cops
the Christian driver asks the Jew if the cops are still after them.
The Jew asks how do i know?
Christian: are there bright lights on a car behind us?
Jew: yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no.
Did you hear the one about the assimilated Jewish man who didnt know the difference between challah & chuppah?
He had a crummy wedding!