Old Jokes | New Jokes

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

Some statisticians dont drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course?
A: He improved his confidence from .95 to .99.

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Mathmatician — 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the rest follows by induction.

Statistician — 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is expermental error so throw it out, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, the rest follows by induction.

Computer Scientist — 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, ….

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once hed got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail?
A: He now has zero degrees of freedom.

Q: Why didnt the math student get the new car?
A: Because he couldnt find anybody to cosine.

Statisticians do it 97.31 percent of the time.

Measure theorists do it almost everywhere.

Algebraists do it in groups.

Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.

Theorem: 1 + 1 = 2
Proof:
n(2n – 2) = n(2n – 2)
n(2n – 2) – n(2n – 2) = 0
(n – n)(2n – 2) = 0
2n(n – n) – 2(n – n) = 0
2n – 2 = 0
2n = 2
n + n = 2
or setting n = 1
1 + 1 = 2