Old Jokes | New Jokes

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

Youve ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

One late evening a redneck named Aldo came out of the local pub a little drunk.He got into his pickup truck and started driving home. He was on a lonely stretch of the road, when all of a sudden a piston blew right through the engine hood. Aldo gets out of his pickup truck, angry as hell and kicks the door real hard out of frustration and starts walking down the lonely road. About twenty minutes later, a pickup truck with a bunch of fellow rednecks riding in the back of the truck came along and stopped. On of the fellas called out, Whats the matter ole friend?

Aldo says, Piston-broke! The same fella calls back, Ya! were pissnd and broke too. Get in the truck.

Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You use the term over yonder more than once a month.

Birds are attracted to your beard.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words Trucking Institute.

You might be a redneck if…

Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.

You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.

You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.

You put a Clapper on your headlights.

You need a dictionary to spell your name.

You dont change your socks until the first pair rots off.

People ask your wife when her babys due and shes not pregnant.

Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.

Youve ever invited friends over to show off whats left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.

You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.

The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.

Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.

Your bumper sticker reads If youre missing your cat, look in my treads.

You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.

Youve ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping shed take the hint.

Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

You place a classified asking less than $1.

You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

Higher math means counting over 10.

The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

You have a lucky rabbits foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.

You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin.

Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport.

You might be a redneck if…
People are scared to touch your wifes bathrobe.

You might be a redneck if…
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

Youve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of Most Admired People.