Old Jokes | New Jokes

34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

99. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.

by Robert Chen

You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

21. When theyre not looking, empty your bladder into an empty glass. Show contents to everyone and say, This apple juice tastes funny. Here. Try some.

22. Every time someone takes a bite of their food, laugh uncontrollably. Stop suddenly and warn everyone not to laugh. Then take a bite of yours while giving everyone an evil eye.

23. Get a friend. Practice weightlifting tables. If people complain, weightlift them.

24. Get some clean plates and empty glasses. Sit down and stare them down.

25. During the meal, yell out, Oh my gosh! Its still alive! Grab your knife and start hacking at the meat.

26. Dress in clothes with lots of pockets. When youre in the dining hall, stuff them with all the food you can find. Waddle out of the dining hall, but on the way out, remark how the dining hall never has enough food.

27. Practice singing.

28. Randomly stop people from eating and try to convince them that their food is poisoned.

29. Bring insects and small rodents. Release.

30. Dress in a toga. After getting your food, find a comfortable place to recline. Throw your utensils on the floor and start eating Romanically. Explain how you never should have trusted that Brutus guy.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

49. Listen to radio static.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

189. Lock your door every time you go through it. Tell him/her that youÕre afraid of aliens.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

109. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

141. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

169. Leave your room and lock the door. Proceed to bang on the door, screaming, Let me in. Get mad at your roommate for locking you out.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

7. Pretend to type in the middle of the air. Complain about how slow the computer has been recently.