Old Jokes | New Jokes

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Whats another word for thesaurus?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

Why call it take a dump, when you leave something behind?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbies so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why dont deaf people wear earmuffs?

Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?

Why do they call then express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?

Why is abreviation such a long word?

If sour milk is used to make yogurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If youre in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say Open here. What is the protocol if the package says, Open somewhere else?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Do blind eskimoes heave seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do radioactve cats have 18 half-lives?

What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?

If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesnt it become squozen?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldnt it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

Why call it a building if its already been built?

Why do kamikazee pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals dont eat clowns because they taste funny?

1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
2. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
3. Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
4. Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
5. Why is it called after dark when it really is after light?
6. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
7. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
8. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
9. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
10. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
11. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
12 Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
13. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
14. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
15. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?