Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldnt put it down?

Whats the formula for water? -H-two-O Whats the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBED

Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron

The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.

Their idea of a catalyst:

2 bags of cat litter
3 cans of cat food
1 can of flea powder
1 collar

Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A:Feed them titrations.

Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because its polar.

Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory?
His business went insolvent.

Q: Whats the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon.