Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
acquisitions, It was announced today at a press conference
that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source
said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years,
ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed
that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and
eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.
By combining forces, were told, the world will be able to enjoy
consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of
Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs
are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the
hardest hit.

As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the
dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to A
great miracle happened there, the message on the dreydl will be the
more generic Miraculous stuff happens. In exchange, it is believed
that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the
sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years
was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last
year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared
happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of
Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that,
were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between
Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the
holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help
to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference
by leading all present in a rousing rendition of Oy, Come All Ye

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