The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

Free Yorkshire Terrior.

8 years-old. Hateful little dog.

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Free Puppies:

1/2 Cocker Spaniel

1/2 Sneaky Neighbors Dog

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Free Puppies:

Part German Shepherd

Part Stupid Dog

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German Shepherd – 85lbs.

Neutered. Speaks German. Free!

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1 Man, 7 Women hot tub — $850/offer

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Amana Washer $100.

Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

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Snow blower for sale.

Only used on snowy days.

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2 Wire mesh butchering gloves:

1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.

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Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box,

Comes with its own

1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto

Excellent Condition, $6,800.

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83 Toyota Hunchback — $2,000

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Star Wars Job of the Hut — $15

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Soft & Genital Bath Tissues

or Facial Tischue – $.89

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Full-Sized Mattress

20 Year Warranty

Like New! Slight urine smell.

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FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans

With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home

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Nordic Track $300

Hardly used. Call Chubbie.

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Bills Septic Cleaning

We Haul American Made Products

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Shakespeares Pizza – Free Chopsticks

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HUMMELS – Largest Selection Ever!

If its in stock, we have it!

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Get a Little John:

The Traveling Urinal

Holds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.

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Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club

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Georgia Peaches

California Grown – $.89/lb.

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Nice Parachute

Never Opened – Used Once

Slightly Stained

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American Flag

60 Stars – Pole Included – $100

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Tired of Working for only $9.75 per hour?

We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.

Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.

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Exercise Equipment

Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs – $175

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Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!

And its made of 100% Italian Leather.

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Joining Nudist Colony!

Must Sell Washer & Dryer – $300

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Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.

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Alzheimers Center Prepares

for an Affair to Remember

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Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell

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Open House!

Body Shapers Toning Salon

Free Coffee & Donuts

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Kelloggs Pot Tarts – $1.99/box.

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Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann $2.09/lb.

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FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.

45 volumes – Excellent condition.

$1,000.00 or best offer.

No longer needed.

Got married last weekend.

Wife knows everything.