Good ol jokes, guaranteed 100% original, written by JonathanCaws-Elwitt (my husband):

Why couldnt the waiter deliver the soup?Because no one had signed the bill of ladling.

Cop making rounds: Is there anyone else in that car with you?Banker: No, Im a loan officer.

In Arabia, whats the best place to stay if you want to avoid the expensive hotels?At a Bedouin breakfast.

Why did the struggling actor want to play the Kaiser?Because its a big roll.

Who wears an albatross and a measuring tape around his neck?Samuel Tailor Coleridge.

What sings and dances and issues speeding tickets?A state trouper.

What does a Late Victorian dramatist use to lather his beard?Shavian cream.

Whos never been to a bear mitzvah?Gentile Ben.

The new DC-90 is over 1000 feet in length, a length which far exceeds that of any other aircraft. What do you call this situation?A long plane record.

What do you call mewing, purring, and playing with yarn?The Catskills.

Im so clumsy that when I go out dancing, I trip _over_ the light fantastic.