Comprehending Engineers – Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did
you get such a great bike?

The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want.

The second engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldnt have fit.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, Whats with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!

The doctor chimed in, I dont know, but Ive never seen such ineptitude!

The pastor said, Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Lets have a word with
him.

Dramatic pause

Hi George. Say, whats with that group ahead of us? Theyre rather slow, arent
they?

The greens keeper replied, Oh, yes, thats a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, Thats so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight.

The doctor said, Good idea. And Im going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if theres anything he can do for them.

The engineer said, Why cant these guys play at night?

Comprehending Engineers – Take Four

Q. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A. Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.

Another said, No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections.

The last said, Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?

Comprehending Engineers – Take Six

Normal people believe that if it aint broke, dont fix it. Engineers believe
that if it aint broke, it doesnt have enough features yet.

Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

Comprehending Engineers – Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,
If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up
the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, Ill
stay with you and do anything you want. Again the engineer took the frog
out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, What is the matter? Ive told you Im a beautiful
princess, that Ill stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why wont
you kiss me?

The engineer said, Look, Im an engineer. I dont have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now thats cool.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Eight

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible
problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They
had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no
avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge
machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and said, This is where your problem is.

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an
itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers – Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to
spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and
mystery he found there.

The engineer said, I like both.

Both? the others asked.

Yeah, the engineer replied. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done.