Heres a little clarification of corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.



JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you; youll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.



SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:…who still live with their parents and wont mind our internship-level salaries.



CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We dont pay enough to expect that youll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.



JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM: We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.



A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT: We booze it up at company parties.



MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: Youll be six months behind schedule on your first day.



SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.



DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.



MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.



COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED: Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion.



CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way).



APPLY IN PERSON: If youre old, fat or ugly youll be told the position has been filled.



NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: Weve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.