22
Sep

Dictionary of Wifespeak

Wifespeak – English

You want
You want

We need
I want

Its your decision
The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want
Youll pay for this later

We need to talk
I need to complain

Sure… go ahead
I dont want you to

Im not upset
Of course Im upset, you moron

Youre… so manly
You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Youre certainly attentive tonight
Is sex all you ever think about?

Im not emotional! And Im not overreacting!
Im on my period

Be romantic, turn out the lights
I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient
I want a new house

I want new curtains
And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…

I need wedding shoes
The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there
No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise
I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me?
Im going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me?
I did something today youre really not going to like

Ill be ready in a minute.
Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat?
Tell me Im beautiful

You have to learn to communicate
Just agree with me

Are you listening to me!?
Too late, youre dead

Yes
No

No
No

Maybe
No

Im sorry
Youll be sorry

Do you like this recipe?
Its easy to fix, so youd better get used to it

Was that the baby?
Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

Im not yelling!
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

All were going to buy is soap dish
It goes without saying that were stopping at the cosmetics department, the
shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and ohmigod
theres a sale in lingerie, and wouldnt these pink sheets look great in the
bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

In answer to Whats wrong?

The same old thing
Nothing

Nothing
Everything

Everything
My PMS is acting up

Nothing, really
Its just that youre such an asshole

I dont want to talk about it
Go away, Im still building up steam

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