28
Apr

Elmer

Three men went hunting in a dense forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle, and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, We gotta get Elmer to da hospital quick or hes gonna die.

How er we gonna carry em? Stan asked. Why Elmer, he weighs a good two hunnert pounds.

Hell Stan! That aint nuttin, assured Walt. We carry bucks out bigge n at, all da time. We kin do it da same way. Walt was right.

In no time, they were pulling their 4×4 up to the emergency room door, and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried friends the bad news, Your friend didnt make it. Walt said, Yeah, I thought dat gunshot hit em in da heart.

No, said the doctor. The bullet actually went above the heart and through the shoulder. His chest was only covered with blood, but he might have been able to survive that.

Damn-it Stan! I told ya we shouldnt a tied em to da hood. All dem tree branches smackin into em for da first five miles probably beat em to death!

No, said the doctor. His clothes were ripped to shreds and his body was covered with lacerations, but he might have been able to survive that, too.

See, Walt! I kept tellin ya to hold your end up higher cause dat sapling was too thin. When we tied his hands and legs to it, his head kept hittin da rocks and logs. An Im sure he drowned when we crossed dat crick.

Sh** Stan! You was da one dat dropped your end of the pole when you fell off dat rock. Poor old Elmer musta been unner water a whole minute while you was fumbling around with that pole an fallin all over yaself.

Now fellas, said the doctor. Elmers skull was cracked and he did have massive head injuries. But he didnt drown, and he might have been able to survive that, too.

Stan and Walt looked at each other with puzzled expressions, then asked the doctor, Den what wuz it? The doctor thought for a few moments and said, My guess is that the field dressing probably had a lot to do with it.

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