28
Mar

FAQs — Men — 2

Why wont men ever pick up after themselves?

Why should we? It doesnt really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well youll pick it up.





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Whats with all the belching and farting?

This usually only occurs after months of courting. Its our way to let you know that were comfortable with you. Believe it or not, its actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.





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Why do men hate shopping?

Its an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? err… Buying?





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Why cant men ever leave the toilet seat down?

Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, its actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. Youre the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. We aim to please.





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Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?

Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They dont walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They dont ever give us a hard time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones they dont get). What more could any of us males ask for?





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Why do men act like they own the remote control?

What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenth of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.





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Why cant men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?

Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)





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Why do men fear commitment?

Dont be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what commitment means and can spell it correctly. Its like an automobile. No matter how good you think this years model is, theyre always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least a car, theres a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger… err… I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras like dual air bags.





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What does it mean when men say, Im just not ready for a relationship right now or I dont want a girl friend?

It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.





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What does it mean when men say, Can we just be friends?

Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate protection.





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Do all men really masturbate?

Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. Its been passed on from our most primal forefathers, and itll be passed on to our sons.





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Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?

Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)





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Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial coordinate motor coordination?

It is like with all things. Practice… Practice… Practice… (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)





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Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?

As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I dont see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.





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Why do men like younger women?

Well, lets see. Besides the fact that they like older men, theyre easily impressed. Theyre also perky, energetic, and come with very little baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies.





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Why do men only have one thing on their minds?

While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often.





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How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in that fat pig)?

Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. Im a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should love us despite our inherent weakness.





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Why are men such dogs?

I resent that. Dogs are faithful… loyal… affectionate… and obedient…

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