Old Jokes | New Jokes http://oldnewjokes.com Almost 40000 Jokes colected just for you ! Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:24:11 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 Knock Knock Whos there? Giovanni! Giovanni who! Giovanni go http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theregiovannigiovanni-whogiovanni-go/ http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theregiovannigiovanni-whogiovanni-go/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:24:11 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/10/1/knock-knockwhos-theregiovannigiovanni-whogiovanni-go/ Knock Knock
Whos there?
Giovanni!
Giovanni who!
Giovanni go to a movie!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theregiovannigiovanni-whogiovanni-go/feed/ 0 Knock Knock Whos there? Mary! Mary who? Mary Christmas! http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theremarymary-whomary-christmas/ http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theremarymary-whomary-christmas/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:24:02 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/10/1/knock-knockwhos-theremarymary-whomary-christmas/ Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mary!
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theremarymary-whomary-christmas/feed/ 0 Q: How many Apple http://oldnewjokes.com/q-how-many-apple-2/ http://oldnewjokes.com/q-how-many-apple-2/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:12:15 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/09/3/q-how-many-apple-2/ Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but why bother ? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/q-how-many-apple-2/feed/ 0 Give up drugs http://oldnewjokes.com/give-up-drugs/ http://oldnewjokes.com/give-up-drugs/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:02:18 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/08/11/give-up-drugs/ Monday, two boys were in court after doing their community service for vandalism charges, and the judge said to the first one, How did you do over the weekend?

Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.

17 people? Thats wonderful. What did you tell them?

I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.

Thats admirable, said the judge. And you, how did you do? (to the 2nd boy)

Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.

156 people! Thats amazing! How did you manage to do that!

Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I said (pointing to small circle) this is your asshole before prison….. and (pointing to the large circle) this is your asshole after prison.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/give-up-drugs/feed/ 0 Un granjero estaba dando instrucciones http://oldnewjokes.com/un-granjero-estaba-dando-instrucciones/ http://oldnewjokes.com/un-granjero-estaba-dando-instrucciones/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:59:51 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/08/5/un-granjero-estaba-dando-instrucciones/ Un granjero estaba dando instrucciones a su esposa antes de salir de compras al pueblo.

El veterinario va a venir esta tarde a inseminar a una de las vacas. Puse un clavo en el establo junto a la vaca para que sepas cual es la que quiero que insemine.

Seguro de que incluso su tonta esposa podría seguir sus instrucciones, el granjero salió al pueblo.

Por la tarde llego el inseminador y la esposa lo condujo al establo, directamente donde se encontraba el clavo. Esta es la vaca, dijo ella.

Oiga, ¿y el clavo para qué es?

¡Supongo que para que cuelgue sus pantalones!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/un-granjero-estaba-dando-instrucciones/feed/ 0 Sherlock Holmes y el Dr. http://oldnewjokes.com/sherlock-holmes-y-el-dr/ http://oldnewjokes.com/sherlock-holmes-y-el-dr/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:59:49 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/08/5/sherlock-holmes-y-el-dr/ Sherlock Holmes y el Dr. Watson se fueron en un viaje de camping. Luego de una buena comida y una botella de vino se acostaron y se fueron a dormir. Algunas horas más tarde, Holmes se despierta y codea a su fiel amigo: Watson, mira el cielo y dime qué ves.

Watson contesta: Veo millones y millones de estrellas…

¿Y eso qué te dice?

Watson piensa por un minuto… Astronómicamente, me dice que hay millones de galaxias y potencialmente billones de planetas. Astrológicamente, veo que Saturno esta en Leo… Horológicamente, deduzco que son aproximadamente las tres y diez… Teológicamente, puedo ver que Dios es todopodero, que somos pequenos e insignificantes… Meteorológicamente, sospecho que tendremos un hermoso día mañana… ¿Y a usted que le dice?

Holmes calla por un minuto y luego dice, ¡Watson, eres un huevon! ¡Algún conchasumadre nos robó la carpa!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/sherlock-holmes-y-el-dr/feed/ 0 My Position http://oldnewjokes.com/my-position-1/ http://oldnewjokes.com/my-position-1/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:47:40 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/07/7/my-position-1/ A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it.



But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it.



This is my position, and I will not compromise!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/my-position-1/feed/ 0 Help from Canada… http://oldnewjokes.com/help-from-canada-1/ http://oldnewjokes.com/help-from-canada-1/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:47:32 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/07/7/help-from-canada-1/ PRESS RELEASE:



Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary



President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:



CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!



WE HAVE PLEDGED:

- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,

- 600 GROUND TROOPS,

- 6 FIGHTER JETS.



AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:

- 2 CANOES,

- 6 MOUNTIES,

- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/help-from-canada-1/feed/ 0 Gold soup http://oldnewjokes.com/gold-soup/ http://oldnewjokes.com/gold-soup/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:36:35 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/06/11/gold-soup/ Q:how do you make gold soup?

A:you add fourteen carrots

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/gold-soup/feed/ 0 Its out of my control. http://oldnewjokes.com/its-out-of-my-control/ http://oldnewjokes.com/its-out-of-my-control/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:24:11 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/05/12/its-out-of-my-control/ Its out of my control.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/its-out-of-my-control/feed/ 0