Tuve la desgracia de casarme con una viuda. De haberlo sabido no me hubiese casado, porque ella tenía una hija.

Mi padre era viudo y para mayor desgracia se enamoró de la hija de mi mujer, de manera que mi esposa era suegra de mi padre, y al mismo tiempo él era mi yerno.

Al poco tiempo mi padre trajo al mundo un varón que era mi hermano, pero era nieto de mi mujer, de manera que yo era abuelo de mi hermano.

Al correr el tiempo mi mujer trajo al mundo un varón, y como era hermano de mi madre era cuñado de mi padre y tío de su hijo, mi mujer era suegra de su propia hija, yo en cambio, soy padre de mi madre, mi padre y su mujer son mis hijos y además yo soy mi propio abuelo.

Ya ve señor juez, me despido del mundo por que no sé quien soy.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

And what do Baby Gates and Daddys products have in common?

1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support.

2. Both barf all over themselves regularly.

3. Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support wont help.

4. As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that which preceded them.

5. At first release theyre relatively compact, but they seem to grow and grow and grow with each passing year.

6. Although announced with great fanfare, pretty much anyone could have produced one.

7. They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate documentation.

8. No matter what, it takes several months between the announcement and the actual release.

9. Bill gets the credit but someone else did most of the work.

10. For at least the next year, theyll suck.

Im going to tie you up while I fill my bag with swag, he said, and then before I leave Im going to have my way with both of you.

Oh, please, sir, cried the young woman, take anything you want, and do what you will with me, but PLEASE spare my dear old mother.

Now, dear, said the mother, dont try to teach the man his trade.