Old Jokes | New Jokes http://oldnewjokes.com Almost 40000 Jokes colected just for you ! Fri, 18 May 2012 17:23:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 Knock Knock Whos there? Mozart! Mozart who? Mozart is http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theremozartmozart-whomozart-is/ http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theremozartmozart-whomozart-is/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 17:23:55 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/10/1/knock-knockwhos-theremozartmozart-whomozart-is/ Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mozart!
Mozart who?
Mozart is in museums!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/knock-knockwhos-theremozartmozart-whomozart-is/feed/ 0 Story of a happy dog http://oldnewjokes.com/story-of-a-happy-dog/ http://oldnewjokes.com/story-of-a-happy-dog/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 17:16:59 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/09/14/story-of-a-happy-dog/ Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. Trousers owners were walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was gesturing annoyingly at Trousers masters. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long rope. Seeing the sheer horror on his masters faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this annoying pseudo clowns leg. Trouser immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove the mans foul essence from his mouth. For Trouser had learned that …. a mime is a terrible thing to taste.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/story-of-a-happy-dog/feed/ 0 Diplomat wants water http://oldnewjokes.com/diplomat-wants-water/ http://oldnewjokes.com/diplomat-wants-water/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 17:16:19 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/09/12/diplomat-wants-water/ An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/diplomat-wants-water/feed/ 0 Q: How many quantum http://oldnewjokes.com/q-how-many-quantum-2/ http://oldnewjokes.com/q-how-many-quantum-2/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 17:13:58 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/09/7/q-how-many-quantum-2/ Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They cant. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/q-how-many-quantum-2/feed/ 0 Guess The Name http://oldnewjokes.com/guess-the-name/ http://oldnewjokes.com/guess-the-name/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 17:09:43 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/08/28/guess-the-name/ A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, Hi stranger, my name is Mike. Ill give you a free beer if you can guess the name of this bar in three tries.

The man says, Thanks…Mikes Place?

Nope.

Mikes Tavern?

No,

Mikes Pub?

No, but heres a free beer anyway. Nobody ever gets it. The joints name is Sallys Leggs!

Thats a good one. the man says and proceeds to get royally ripped.

The next morning the man is still drunk and sitting on a curb, when a cop pulls up and asks him what he is doing there.

He responds, Im just waiting for Sallys Leggs to open, so I can wet my whistle!

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/guess-the-name/feed/ 0 Chin Strap http://oldnewjokes.com/chin-strap/ http://oldnewjokes.com/chin-strap/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 16:39:24 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/06/18/chin-strap/ Your momma is so stupid . . .

She wears a wig with a chin strap.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/chin-strap/feed/ 0 Anything that doesnt eat you http://oldnewjokes.com/anything-that-doesnt-eat-you/ http://oldnewjokes.com/anything-that-doesnt-eat-you/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 16:27:37 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/05/21/anything-that-doesnt-eat-you/ Anything that doesnt eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/anything-that-doesnt-eat-you/feed/ 0 Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs http://oldnewjokes.com/diarrhea-is-hereditary-it-runs/ http://oldnewjokes.com/diarrhea-is-hereditary-it-runs/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 16:13:54 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/04/18/diarrhea-is-hereditary-it-runs/ Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/diarrhea-is-hereditary-it-runs/feed/ 0 Doesnt expecting the unexpected make http://oldnewjokes.com/doesnt-expecting-the-unexpected-make/ http://oldnewjokes.com/doesnt-expecting-the-unexpected-make/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 16:11:19 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/04/11/doesnt-expecting-the-unexpected-make/ Doesnt expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Share This ]]> http://oldnewjokes.com/doesnt-expecting-the-unexpected-make/feed/ 0 Night train to Frankfurt http://oldnewjokes.com/night-train-to-frankfurt/ http://oldnewjokes.com/night-train-to-frankfurt/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 15:45:21 +0000 admin http://oldnewjokes.com/2008/02/13/night-train-to-frankfurt/ One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got on the train, he went straight to the ticket-man and said, Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get off this train in Mannheim, but Im very tired and Im sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is to wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business deal there and it is very important for me. Here are 100 francs for the favor.

He continued by saying, But I warn you, sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent; but no matter what I do or say you got to get me off this train in Mannheim. Is that clear?

So the ticket-man agreed and took the 100 francs. Later the man fell asleep … and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt!

He was so mad at the ticket-man that he ran over and started yelling: Are you STUPID or something? I paid you 100 francs to wake me up and get me off at Mannheim. And you didnt! I want my money back!

While the man was yelling, two other guys who were also on the train were looking at them.

One looked at the other and said Jeez, that guy is really pissed off!

The other replied, Yeah. Hes almost as mad as the guy they made get off the train at Mannheim last night.

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