27
Apr

Feline Laws of Physics

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cats resistance varies in inverse proportion to a humans desire
for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will
therefore use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the
speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag / Box OccupancyAll bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the
earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cats irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment
times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cats desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the
cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the
amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount
of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape
velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesnt Matter.
Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she
cant hear a simple command three feet away.
Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from
each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they cant see you, then you cant see them.
Law of Space-Time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
Law of Concentration of Mass
A cats mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the
lap she occupies.
Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle)
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
Law of Concentration of Mass
A cats mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the
lap she occupies.
Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle)
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the
probability of where she might be.
Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered

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