Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class

21. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.

22. Play Kumbaya on the banjo.

23. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

24. Ask occassional questions, but mutter as if you gibbering simps would know and move on before anyone can answer.

25. Mention in passing that youre wearing rubber underwear.

26. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

27. Announce youll need this, and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

28. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

29. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

30. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

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