29
Jul

Fun With Cops

(Disclaimer–Some of this stuff is illegal.)
*Take his nightstick and play whack-a-mole with his head *Ask the cop if you can use his pepper spray to “spice up” your takeout * *Take his flashlight and play flashlight tag with yourself. *When he walks up to you, look at his gut and say “I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop.”*Draw happy faces on all the pages in his ticket book. *Ask if his bullet-proof vest would protect him from projectile vomiting.*Ask him if you can take his squad car out for a joy-ride. *When he ask you for your licence say, “Oh sure officer, I could reach it if youd hold my beer.” *Explain speeding with, “See officer, I was driving along when I droped my bag of crack. I tried to pick it up but, when I did, my gun fell and jammed my foot against the gas pedal.”*Lie on the ground and aks him to draw your outline in chalk. *Tell him you wanted to be a cop but decided to graduate high school instead.*Ask him if his badge is made of chocolate. *Try to bribe him with chucky cheese tokens.*Try to bribe him with one-dollar bills. When he declines, remind him that “with 10-10-220 you can get all calls up to twenty minutes for 99 cents.” *Pay all ticket fines with pennies. *Ask him how many donuts he can eat in one minute. Ask him to prove it.*When you spot some cops with a radar gun pull over, show them a hair dryer and yell, “Ive got one too!” *Say to him, “Dont chek the trunk. Nope, nothing in there. Scouts honor.” *When he asks you to explain why you were going so fast, tell him that you were going to Dunkin Donuts and you know hell understand.*When the cop is talking to you, ignore him and roll your window up and down while looking amazed that it does that. *Ask him what he is doing out so late.*Ask him if you can play cops and robbers *Call his dog Admiral, regardless of what its real name is.*Throw the cops nightstick and tell Admiral to go fetch. *Tell him that the wee little leprechans made you do it. *Ask him if he can make strobes with his police lights.*When he tries to open the door taunt him by locking the door when he tries to open it,then unlocking it when he looks away.Repeat this several times.*Paint flames on the side of his squad car. *Paint flames on the side of his uniform.*When he walks up to your car-put your hands on your face and mutter “If I dont see you I cant get a ticket.”*Throw cans of Spam at him.*When he tells you to put your hands on the hood, walk to his car and put your hands on his hood. *Say to him “Darn, officer you must of been going fast to keep up with me!!” *Tell him you were testing to law of perpetual motion when the escape vector was off causing Philbins law to take effect… *Tell him he shouldve been on a pony so you couldve outran him.* When he walks up to you have the radio full blast, look forward without saying a word and breathe in and out very loudly. * When he ask you to walk the straight line, “Riverdance” instead. * When he ask you to say your alphabet backwords count backwards from ten instead.*When he asks you to touch your nose, poke yourself in the eye and start acting like Curly from the Three Stooges.*Keep his pen. *If they put you in the back of the squad car, sing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” loudly and obnoxiously over and over all the way to the Police Dept. *Say “Could you tighten these cuffs? My hands dont hurt yet.”*Instead of pleading the fifth admendment plead the 13th or the 18th Instead.Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head with a nightstick. Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death penalty.

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