If everything goes as planned this evening, we shouldnt run more than hour late.

Our next guest is the greatest guy in the world. And thats not my opinion – its his.

These handouts may not make much sense at first, but youll discover that theyre very handy to doodle on when I get real boring.

This lighting really plays tricks on your eyes. Im actually a lot more handsome and skinnier than I look.

Thats a very good question. See me during the break, and Ill avoid answering it then, too.

Dont be embarrassed to ask even the simplest, most basic question–Those are the only one Ill be able to answer.

Our guest of honor finally got an office with a window, but now he spends all day asking, Would you like fries with that order?

I think the small turnout can be blamed on your excellent newsletter – obviously, too many people knew Id be here.

I dont want to suggest that todays food was bad, but three terrorist groups have called in to claim responsibility.

Gee, is my time up already? It seems like only last Thursday I started this speech.