Original if somewhat warped humor from Trevor Keane

The Statements Car Owners are Really Making

Acura Integra – I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend – Im too bland for German cars
Acura NSX – I am impotent
Audi 90 – I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue – I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado – I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville – I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro – I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette – I like seeing peoples reactions when I tell them I
have a Vette
Chevrolet Corvette – Im in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino – I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba – I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z – I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart – I teach third grade special education and I voted for
Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona – I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ferrari Testarossa – I am known to prematurely ejaculate
Ford Fairmont – (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang – I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria – I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes
when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm – I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker – I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol – I have always said, half a convertible is better than
no convertible at all
Honda Civic – I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord – I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45 – I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse – I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6 – I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the
shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia – I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lamborghini Countach – I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car – I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis – (See above)
Mercedes 500SL – I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL – I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata – I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
MGB – I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante – I dont know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX – I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass – I just stole this car and Im going to make a fortune
off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel – I am on the EPAs Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon – I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM – I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo – I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944 – I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be
inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow – I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2 – (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy – I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior
than Isuzu
Toyota Camry – I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle – I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet – I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus – I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon – I am frightened of my wife