Girlfriend Communication Guide

We need = I want
Its your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = Youll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure… go ahead = I dont want you to.
Im not upset = Of course Im upset, you moron.
Youre … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Youre certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Im not emotional! And Im not overreacting! = Im on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
I want new curtains… = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…
I need wedding shoes. = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = Im going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today youre really not going to like.
Ill be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me Im beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = You have to learn to agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = (Too late. Youre dead.)
Yes. = No.
No. = No.
Maybe. = No.
Im sorry. = Youll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = Its easy to fix, so youd better get used to it.
Was that the baby ? = Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
Im not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

An answer to question: Whats wrong?

The same old thing. = Nothing.
Nothing. = Everything.
Everything. = My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. = Youre such an asshole!
I dont want to talk about it. = Im not ready to yell at you yet.

Most viewed Jokes (20)