Girlfriend Communication Guide

  • We need = I want
  • Its your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
  • Do what you want = Youll pay for this later
  • We need to talk = I need to complain
  • Sure… go ahead = I dont want you to.
  • Im not upset = Of course Im upset, you moron.
  • Youre … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
  • Youre certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
  • Im not emotional! And Im not overreacting! = Im on my period.
  • Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
  • This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
  • I want new curtains… = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…
  • I need wedding shoes. = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
  • Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!
  • I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
  • Do you love me? = Im going to ask for something expensive.
  • How much do you love me? = I did something today youre really not going to like.
  • Ill be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
  • Is my butt fat? = Tell me Im beautiful.
  • You have to learn to communicate. = You have to learn to agree with me.
  • Are you listening to me!? = (Too late. Youre dead.)
  • Yes. = No.
  • No. = No.
  • Maybe. = No.
  • Im sorry. = Youll be sorry.
  • Do you like this recipe? = Its easy to fix, so youd better get used to it.
  • Was that the baby ? = Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
  • Im not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

An answer to question: Whats wrong?

  • The same old thing. = Nothing.
  • Nothing. = Everything.
  • Everything. = My PMS is acting up.
  • Nothing, really. = Youre such an asshole!
  • I dont want to talk about it. = Im not ready to yell at you yet.

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