Reasons its good to be a man

Movie nudity is virtually always female.

You know stuff about tanks.

Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.

You can open all your own jars.

When clicking through TV channels, you dont have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

Guys in hockey masks dont attack you.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You can kill your own food.

The garage is all yours.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

The National College Cheer leading Championship.

If youre 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.

You can be President.

Flowers fix everything.

You never have to worry about other peoples feelings.

You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

The world is your urinal.

You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

You get to jump up and slap stuff.

One mood, all the time.

You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

Same work… more pay.

You dont have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earths population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

You dont cry off others desserts.

If you retain water, its in a canteen.

The remote is yours and yours alone.

People never glance at your chest when youre talking to them.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

Bachelor parties beat the shit over bridal showers.

You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

Someday youll be a dirty old man.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

There is always a game on somewhere.

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because youre not in the mood.

You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.

If something mechanical doesnt work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: So… notice anything different?

Baywatch.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

All your orgasms are real.