Greeting cards unsuccessfully marketed by Hallmark

Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I got one… I got real
snippy.
I heard you had herpes… and I feel terrible… Id say Get well soon…
but I know its incurable.
My tire was thumping… I thought it was flat… when I looked at the
tire… I found your cat… Sorry!
You had your bladder removed and youre on the mends… heres a bouquet of
flowers and a box of Depends.
Youve announced that youre gay, and wont that be a laugh, when they find
out youre one… of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
So your daughters a hooker, and it spoiled your day… look at the bright
side, shes a really good lay.
Heard your wife left you… How upset you must be… Dont fret about your
wife though… Shes moving in with me.
Your computer is dead… and it was so alive… you shouldnt have
installed… Win 95.
You totalled your car… and cant remember why… maybe it was… that case
of Bud Dry
So you lost your job… Its one of those hardships in life… Next time,
work harder… and stay away from the bosss wife.